Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Daddy Cool falls in love

  I made it back from vacation.  It was an amazing trip.  Easily the best vacation I've ever had.  While I was there this song played no less than 600 times, plus Inna and I had this running joke going that she was my "Sugar Momma" because I had wired her money ahead of time for our trip so that I didn't have to go 1/2 way around the world with a big wad of cash.  Anyways, she carried the cash and did the negotiating so we'd get better prices and I'd keep my mouth shut.  So she was "Sugar Momma" and I became "Daddy Cool". (I even showed her some smooth dance moves similar to his)

When I arrived I found I was quite nervous.  Her and I had counted down the days and hours until we could finally be together....so by the time I was standing in the Customs line I was pretty nervous.  As soon as I made it through and she gave me a big hug everything was amazing.  We were so comfortable together.  We jumped in a taxi and went to a supermarket to buy supplies for our room.  While we were in the store she caught me checking her out and we joked about it.  Because she was also checking me out ;-)

Once we arrived at the resort we spent the looking over the place and our cove, swimming, having a romantic dinner and taking a nice walk, and then sitting on a bench drinking wine and watching the sunset.  Neither of us said it until later...but during that walk we both realized just how amazing the other made us feel.  For the remainder of the trip, together 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, we never lost that magical feeling.  By the end of the first week I was fully and madly in love with her.  We started talking about future but she was afraid to open up to me fully.  She didn't want to think about her feelings.  She wanted to enjoy the present and later, after I had left to think about them, what was next, etc.  

Every day was another adventure.  We alternated days.  One day we'd go on an excursion, which was usually an exhausting combination of boats, marshutki's, buses, and taxi's.  Plus lots of hiking (and she kept up, enjoyed it, never complained, or wasn't amazing).  The next day we would stay at the resort and rest.  Usually I'd wake up early to run and swim, she'd sleep in, then we'd go to breakfast.  We'd normally hang on the beach for a few hours and then in the heat of the day enjoy our air conditioned room.  Then go back out in the evening for a nice dinner, walk, and more wine on the beach.  Then we'd stay up until 2am talking, talking, talking.  Through every second of it we totally enjoyed ourselves, and each other.  A thousand times a day we were amazed at the silly things we had in common....from the way we ate our peaches, to our ecological and economic views, to our hopes, dreams, etc. 

She didn't like my hair choices.  She likes hairy legs and thought John's haircut looked too much like a hedgehog.  On the 3rd day she took me to town for a haircut.  It was funny.  The barber was afraid I'd want it to look like it did, only shorter.  She was relieved when Inna said it looked funny in spots.  She thought maybe this was a popular American fashion she was soon going to have to learn.  She joked to me that she was really afraid everyone was going to start coming in and asking for bad haircuts.   Inna has made me promise that I'll start paying for them when we're together.

By the end of the second week she realized that she was helplessly in love with me and we really started thinking and talking about our future together.  I traveled to her town and met her mother.  We had a really fun barbecue and mom was a lot of fun.  We talked about the steps we'd need to take to get her over to America and the advantages/disadvantages of each kind of visa.  By then we knew we were meant for each other.....

So the type of visa was really not in question.  It's the most certain, and in her situation probably the fastest. 

There are hurdles in our path and we discussed all of them.  Our communication together is amazing.  I love her!  She has a son and his father to think about.  Vitali knows about me, but only that I'm a penpal.  The father knows nothing and poses quite a risk to her.   So we're treading lightly and I'm giving her time and support to deal with that.

When I got back to work everyone has been asking how I knew and what I thought.  I did a lot of thinking about that today.  Both of us, as far back as we can remember have really had trouble feeling love in relationships.  I think I've always been quite lonely so I've gotten into relationship trying to fill this empty hole.  Most of the time I didn't know myself, or what I wanted or needed, plus I never let the other person know me.....so the relationships were doomed to be unsatisfying.  Inna felt the same way.  She had a son and tried to be a good wife to a man who took, and took, and never gave back.  She had the same sense of loneliness (except for having Vitali), the same fear that she was incapable of love and meant for a life of loneliness. 

When we were together there was this almost simultaneous revelation.  Through hours and hours of talking endlessly we realized neither of us had ever had anyone truly listen to us, or had we ever truly told what was inside us.  With us it was a continual pouring out to each other.  We had this holy shit type revelation.  THIS is what love is supposed to be.  WOW!! 

It had an immediate effect on me.  When I have problems with anxiety (as you all know) I have a tendency to get lost inside, wander the city looking for adrenaline, and usually getting myself into trouble.  The second to last night we were there, she was with the father, and I was alone in my hotel.  It was hard to imaging the person I loved was sleeping in the same house with another man simply because she had no other options (it's complicated).  I spent 6hrs restlessly walking the city.  What was different this time was a sense of confidence.   Not a sense of responsibility like I had with Lyuda or past relationships.  But a sense of confidence.  That I had found my other half.  That I needed to be home, because I don't want anything.....any risk, that could somehow cause me to not be able to spend the next 60 years with this wonderful woman.  So I enjoyed the city, and then went home at a safe hour.

Chuppa Chups.....You are my purpose, my medicine, my support, my strength, my dreams, my hopes, my desires, and my future.  I'm so glad that I have finally found you.  Я тебя люблю!!!