Daddy Cool falls in love

  I made it back from vacation.  It was an amazing trip.  Easily the best vacation I've ever had.  While I was there this song played no less than 600 times, plus Inna and I had this running joke going that she was my "Sugar Momma" because I had wired her money ahead of time for our trip so that I didn't have to go 1/2 way around the world with a big wad of cash.  Anyways, she carried the cash and did the negotiating so we'd get better prices and I'd keep my mouth shut.  So she was "Sugar Momma" and I became "Daddy Cool". (I even showed her some smooth dance moves similar to his)



When I arrived I found I was quite nervous.  Her and I had counted down the days and hours until we could finally be together....so by the time I was standing in the Customs line I was pretty nervous.  As soon as I made it through and she gave me a big hug everything was amazing.  We were so comfortable together.  We jumped in a taxi and went to a supermarket to buy supplies for our room.  While we were in the store she caught me checking her out and we joked about it.  Because she was also checking me out ;-)

Once we arrived at the resort we spent the looking over the place and our cove, swimming, having a romantic dinner and taking a nice walk, and then sitting on a bench drinking wine and watching the sunset.  Neither of us said it until later...but during that walk we both realized just how amazing the other made us feel.  For the remainder of the trip, together 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, we never lost that magical feeling.  By the end of the first week I was fully and madly in love with her.  We started talking about future but she was afraid to open up to me fully.  She didn't want to think about her feelings.  She wanted to enjoy the present and later, after I had left to think about them, what was next, etc.  

Every day was another adventure.  We alternated days.  One day we'd go on an excursion, which was usually an exhausting combination of boats, marshutki's, buses, and taxi's.  Plus lots of hiking (and she kept up, enjoyed it, never complained, or wasn't amazing).  The next day we would stay at the resort and rest.  Usually I'd wake up early to run and swim, she'd sleep in, then we'd go to breakfast.  We'd normally hang on the beach for a few hours and then in the heat of the day enjoy our air conditioned room.  Then go back out in the evening for a nice dinner, walk, and more wine on the beach.  Then we'd stay up until 2am talking, talking, talking.  Through every second of it we totally enjoyed ourselves, and each other.  A thousand times a day we were amazed at the silly things we had in common....from the way we ate our peaches, to our ecological and economic views, to our hopes, dreams, etc. 

She didn't like my hair choices.  She likes hairy legs and thought John's haircut looked too much like a hedgehog.  On the 3rd day she took me to town for a haircut.  It was funny.  The barber was afraid I'd want it to look like it did, only shorter.  She was relieved when Inna said it looked funny in spots.  She thought maybe this was a popular American fashion she was soon going to have to learn.  She joked to me that she was really afraid everyone was going to start coming in and asking for bad haircuts.   Inna has made me promise that I'll start paying for them when we're together.

By the end of the second week she realized that she was helplessly in love with me and we really started thinking and talking about our future together.  I traveled to her town and met her mother.  We had a really fun barbecue and mom was a lot of fun.  We talked about the steps we'd need to take to get her over to America and the advantages/disadvantages of each kind of visa.  By then we knew we were meant for each other.....

So the type of visa was really not in question.  It's the most certain, and in her situation probably the fastest. 

There are hurdles in our path and we discussed all of them.  Our communication together is amazing.  I love her!  She has a son and his father to think about.  Vitali knows about me, but only that I'm a penpal.  The father knows nothing and poses quite a risk to her.   So we're treading lightly and I'm giving her time and support to deal with that.

When I got back to work everyone has been asking how I knew and what I thought.  I did a lot of thinking about that today.  Both of us, as far back as we can remember have really had trouble feeling love in relationships.  I think I've always been quite lonely so I've gotten into relationship trying to fill this empty hole.  Most of the time I didn't know myself, or what I wanted or needed, plus I never let the other person know me.....so the relationships were doomed to be unsatisfying.  Inna felt the same way.  She had a son and tried to be a good wife to a man who took, and took, and never gave back.  She had the same sense of loneliness (except for having Vitali), the same fear that she was incapable of love and meant for a life of loneliness. 

When we were together there was this almost simultaneous revelation.  Through hours and hours of talking endlessly we realized neither of us had ever had anyone truly listen to us, or had we ever truly told what was inside us.  With us it was a continual pouring out to each other.  We had this holy shit type revelation.  THIS is what love is supposed to be.  WOW!! 

It had an immediate effect on me.  When I have problems with anxiety (as you all know) I have a tendency to get lost inside, wander the city looking for adrenaline, and usually getting myself into trouble.  The second to last night we were there, she was with the father, and I was alone in my hotel.  It was hard to imaging the person I loved was sleeping in the same house with another man simply because she had no other options (it's complicated).  I spent 6hrs restlessly walking the city.  What was different this time was a sense of confidence.   Not a sense of responsibility like I had with Lyuda or past relationships.  But a sense of confidence.  That I had found my other half.  That I needed to be home, because I don't want anything.....any risk, that could somehow cause me to not be able to spend the next 60 years with this wonderful woman.  So I enjoyed the city, and then went home at a safe hour.

Chuppa Chups.....You are my purpose, my medicine, my support, my strength, my dreams, my hopes, my desires, and my future.  I'm so glad that I have finally found you.  Я тебя люблю!!!

paved paradise

  The site of my very first race was demolished yesterday.  For 6 months my dear friend Lisa and I had organized, petitioned, raised money, and wrote Op Ed pieces for the local newspaper trying to garner support to save a cherished piece of our towns historical and cultural heritage.  Having won battle after battle, it seems, the City Manager and the Board of Education, were determined we would most certainly not win the war.  A vote was scheduled to be held next Thursday to decide on the outcome of the stadium.  This Thursday, a week before the vote, they took it into their own hands and demolished the stadium.  I can't even write more about it, my heart can't take it.  A crushing blow.  Laws were broken, we will insure there are consequences.  It still, however, will never at this point.... feel like anyone has won anything.  The things people will do for money and self interest astonishes and hurts me.

Good news about my building in Ohio (and thank you to Michael for offering your help...I shall take you up on that someday).  A quote came back that was very reasonable.  They begin work next Tuesday.  The City zoning manager doesn't require a permit because it is restoration and not construction, so everything is set. 

I'm heading to Ukraine tomorrow.  I'll most likely not get online much. 

Because the loss of my stadium has me in no mood to write, I'll instead allow you to listen to a really interesting podcast.





The best part to me is about the 16min mark.

Ok...Ok....so that one is too long.  Here's a good one that 's short.

One run

I've been struggling lately with not being active enough.  I was doing so well in my physical therapy until I went to Mexico, then I did nothing.  I walked a lot in my sandals and didn't stretch and came home fearing that I was right on back to square one.   It took a few days but I was amazed that my foam rollering and flexibility came back much quicker.  Much fewer knots when I rolled. 

I just got back on track again and then my trip to Ohio.  Taking my motorcycle was a bit of a mistake.  I think I'm sitting too compact on it.  My hip flexors are bent even more than sitting in a car.  So they get pretty tight after 6hrs. 

I decided to take a little jog Wednesday in hopes of warming up a little to stretch better.  I jogged 3/4 of a lap at 8min pace, then sped up each lap to see if I could run a good 6min mile.  The doctor told me she'd rather me run all out, than run long.  So off I went.  I ran perfectly paced laps.  1:40, 1:30, 1:20, 1:10 for a 5:40 mile.  It was pretty much as hard as I could go but didn't feel too bad because I worked my way into it. 

During the run I did feel some patellar pain, but after I felt none.  Last time I ran I felt none until the next day.  Here I am a couple of days later and with no pain at all.  A little hamstring and vmo soreness....but no pain.  So that's progress :-)

In other news, I went home last weekend and was able to update the bathroom in the psychologists office of my building.  It had a utility sink, lots of brown stained ceiling tiles, a broken light, dark green walls going into horrible flowery red and white wallpaper.  I put in a proper counter/sink, new ceiling tiles, new light, light green paint, and white antique looking wallpaper.

I also cleaned the basement.  I found evidence that my building had been a hardware store, a jewelry store, a real estate office, a sign shop, and now a law office/psychologist office.  I also found that apparently every person who had ever moved out left a tv, that every door and window that had ever been replaced was stored in basement, and that dead pigeons preserve surprisingly well when entombed in coal dust.

I have now had 3 people look at the masonry problems on the third floor and nobody would like to tackle it.  People only do construction now (foundations, fireplaces, etc) mason's that do restoration are extremely hard to find.   I've researched the procedure and am prepared to do it myself it the next person declines.  I'll need to purchase some equipment, but that would still be cheaper than paying someone and I'd learn a good deal.  The problem then becomes time off work.....

Lack of vacation time is a new development.  I've been carrying on an online relationship with a friend of a friend from Ukraine.  She was supposed to come here for a month to visit but her visa was declined.  I suppose it's not a financially, logistically, or emotionally savvy investment, but emotional attachment isn't always rational.  There's something about Inna that I enjoy.  Maybe I'm lonely, or disappointed in the dates I've had here, or enjoy "exotic" women, or whatever the case...All of my readers are aware enough of the psychological and emotional flaws that I bide.  Anyways, I've chosen to go there and visit her.  



I'll fly from DC to New York, to Moscow to Simferopol.   We've rented an apartment in Sudak, which is a vacation town along the Black Sea in the Crimean Peninsula.  I'll spend one week there with her and then a week wandering.  I'm guessing I'll try to see Ukraine, Moldova, Romania, Bulgaria and end up in Istanbul, Turkey.  We'll see.  I haven't really planned the second week.  So I'll have to give that some thought.  I'll probably just keep my bicycle pointed so that the Black Sea stays on my left and keep on riding and exploring anything that looks cool.

My mother was supposed to have her bimonthly MRI on her brain tumor done Wednesday.  Unfortunately while I was home it was appallingly apparent that she was experiencing the same list of symptoms that appeared the last time her tumor had required surgery.  I've spent a LOT of time working alongside my mother in the last 5 years.  Every home project I've accomplished she's been right there with me handing me tools, discussing options, and giving her input.  Usually she's a step ahead of me, preparing the next tool, measuring for the next task, etc.  This time she was forgetful.  She would at times seemed at a loss for what we were doing.  She was showing sure signs of confusion and mental fatigue. 

We had a party Saturday night and many concerned friends, who would normally remain quiet about such matters, expressed their concern for her.  It's horrible to watch your mother frantic in the store, thinking she'd lost her keys, and then have to remind her that you drove....that you had the keys.  Things like that happened apace this weekend.  It scares us both.  I got the courage to talk it over with her and we talked to the doctor and decided to pay for the better MRI.  That wasn't available until today, so she's there now undergoing that.   I wish I could be there.

Tom's is in New Mexico enduring the decline of his sister.  My mother is in Ohio facing her own scary condition and instead of spending my vacation time to visit.... I'm selfishly planning trips across the world. 

Friends humor

My friends love my stories.  So much so that I have quite a collection of owl memorabilia and whatnots.  Here's the latest little gem someone sent me.

A strangely positioned rock

Apt timing I suppose, that I had chosen this week to return to my research into man's interpretation of time.  I've brought along the idea a few times here that we currently live in a culture where time is equal and synonymous with progress.  The belief that the next thing will be better, and the next better still, until eventually we reach a state of utopia.   I've given this subject a lot of thought lately, because here and there I continue plodding along on my novel.  To write an accurate description of what I think the distant future of Earth will be like I have to familiarize myself with what past inhabitants have thought about such subjects.  I can't simply assume in the future that they will share ours.  If I want to put myself into the minds of my characters I need to perceive how they will think.

 Basically I've chosen 3 distinct beliefs of the passage of time.  The first, popular during the ascendancy of the Roman Empire is similar to ours.  That is the belief in upward linear progression.  The second is the polar opposite and it has served its followers similarly during the Dark Ages and times when the reality of peoples days were toil and suffering.  When the Golden Age of Rome was seen in the past as the ideal time and the thoughts were that the farther we got from that Golden Age, the worse and worse it would get.  The third is popular in the East and Native American's, the belief that time is cyclical and follows repeating patterns throughout history. 

  While thinking lately about time I've given a good deal of thought to why people believe as they do.  What would cause someone to think their situation in life, or the next generations will only get better....or can only get worse?  Mostly, I think, that it has to deal with the basic philosophical questions we all struggle with. Where did we come from, why are we here, where are we going, and so forth.  What I have realized is that what you believe gets whatever support it has from two distinct sources. The first of these is the factual evidence, if any, that backs it; the second is the emotional appeal, if any, that it offers to those who embrace it.    

When you ask anyone about their beliefs in the afterlife, or the future for that matter.  Everyone will loudly tell you that they base all of their predictions of the first.   Facts.   Because habits of thinking hardwired into contemporary culture treat the first of those as though it’s the only thing that matters.  Then reacts to any mention of the second, emotional appeal, with the same sort of embarrassed silence that might greet an echoing fart at a formal dinner party. Since human beings aren’t passionless bubbles of intellect, though, the second source of support is fairly often the more important and the more revealing of the two.   You see, humans seek a description of beliefs that is emotionally appealing to them and then simply fill in the facts later to justify their choice (sometimes no matter how ludicrous those manufactured facts need to be).

I said apt at the top of the page because this week Tom called with some horrible news.  Lovely Suzy, my "aunt" has been found to have terminal esophageal cancer.  Now if any person alive should believe in the function of time, and the religions that follow it, laid out by Augustine of Hippo's (that all things will decline until death where you are liberated to utopia of some sort or other) it is poor Suzy.  Who's life has been on long continuous battle from polio, scoliosis, lung problems, etc. 

Notice, in both the Joachimist (things just keep looking better until utopia) and Augustinian (things are going down the crapper, we deal with it stoically and die, and then get to utopia) both share the common theme of utopia in the afterlife.   The third, which I intend to explore for my book, is a more Eastern position.  That time is cyclical.  Reincarnation and many other religions steal from this view. 

I could tell from the conversation that both Tom and his brother Paul are struggling with this.  Having someone in your life suffer without the ability to help them is very, very difficult.  In times like this it's easy to see why humans tend to latch on to a belief that is emotionally appealing.  Whether Suzi will be sitting with Rita and Bill looking down on us from heaven, reborn into another life, or simply destined to be only a strangely positioned rock in a similar row of rocks in an otherwise smooth field...we may never know. 

One thing for sure that I gained from Suzi that is irreplaceable to me.  Is the lessons I've been able to learn about her loving brother Tom from his interactions with her.  Seeing him, throughout her life, care for, endure, and love that woman has given me glimpses of the depths of him.  It has taught me how selfless, logical, yet empathetic a man should be.  Never, in all of her suffering has he hid away somewhere and sent his love piecemeal through cards or the phone.  He has taken her into his life and given her someone when at times she had none.  For that I thank you Suzi.  I didn't know you nearly as well as I should have and unfortunately it doesn't seem time is going to allow that.....but here's hoping that in whichever way you see it, the future does you well.

phantom shitter

  I was home recently to help my mother move (finally the last time I'll have to do work on that property).  To do some preliminary planning for a laundry room in my building, and to continue working on the apartment in my aunt's house.  Everything I had planned to do took longer than I expected and was interrupted with a thousand things I didn't plan on doing, but it was a very successful weekend.

I was so busy all weekend that I got up at 5am each day and worked until 8pm every evening.  That wouldn't be so bad, but for some reason I also forgot to eat each day.  It wasn't by plan, I just was so into my work that I forgot.  All three days I mostly only ate one meal around 3pm.  So much was accomplished though.  Got my $23k back from my cousin, retrieved my motorcycle, moved mom, worked on kitchen, resurfaced driveway, looked through scrap in basement, developed plan for laundry room, ran plumbing for aunts bathroom, almost died, and nearly got arrested.

I'm stressed for time today so I'll get straight to the juicy parts.  I went to the bar out near the highway Saturday night to meet some friends.  I don't like going out there, because now that I'm a downtown businessman I'd rather spend my money downtown and support the businesses around me, but headed out there.  While I was there I ran into 3 anonymous folks nobody else in Geneva probably would even give a second glance.   I sat for a second and chatted with Michael Johnson, Butch Reynolds, and Jeremy Wariner.   Having 3 Olympic Champions and World Record holders sitting at a dive bar in my hometown and nobody noticing them is just amazing to me.   This in a town that is supposedly trying to be THE location for Track & Field.  

Anyways, I went over and tried to not allow my jaw to drag the floor and talk to them.  I sat for a second and the entire encounter was ruined when a local 300+ pound local I went to school with, drunk as hell, came over took her shirt off and swung it around her head, and sat down with an almost tragic thud right down on my lap.  The table nearly tipped and the crowd scattered before the bouncer came over and collected her.  She yelled my name a few times, then Jeremy said something about anonymity in this town having it's advantages and they packed up and left.  Opportunity missed, but hopefully I'll run into them again.  Twice now I've met Michael Johnson and both times haven't gone so swift.

As you can imagine, after a full day of work, not enough sleep, and not enough food.....a few beers had me in rare sorts.   We decided to head back into town and frequent some of the "finer" establishments Geneva has to offer.  As we parked and were walking in some dipshit we know threw something down at us from the 3rd story window.  It was a friend and we were pretending to be angry at each other.  After a few more beers and a whole lot of storytelling some of my exploits as "the phantom shitter" came up and we all joked that if it'd been years ago I'd find a way to shit on that guys welcome mat or some other equally silly retaliation. 

Well....after a few more beers it donned on me that I happened to have a ladder large enough to meet that fellows window just down the street.  I'd bought it for my new building.  A few beers later there I was friends watching from afar as I'm hanging from a ladder, ass to window shitting on some poor fellows window sill.  Putting my fireman ladder training to "good" use I guess you could say.   As I was carrying the ladder back, at nearly 1:30 in the morning to my friends yard (where I store it) along came a cop car behind me and flashed the lights.  Not entirely sure how I'd explain myself carrying a ladder (my ladder) drunk in the middle of the night (after having shit on a friends window sill) my reaction was to toss the ladder and run like hell. 

Now of course...my friends watching from their front porch thought the entire thing was hilarious, and I'm sure the legend of the phantom shitter is now secure.  But I can't, at 37 years old, a downtown business owner, and all that....be still entertaining such behavior....but there you have it.  I guess I can't help myself.  I need a babysitter.

Couple of things I was thinking of as I dashed across the railroad tracks and headed for the woods.

Rules for fleeing the cops.

1) Always have a plan.  Constantly pay attention to what you're doing and where you'll go.

2) Make the cop get out of the car as fast as possible.  Don't run yourself silly just to have him pull up fresh and run you down.

3) don't be a rabbit, keep your escape options open but pick one and get on with it.  Zig Zagging only allows him/her to cut the tangents and catch you.

4) remove yourself from their sight line as often as possible, every time they have to decide which way you went or use caution slows them down.

5) run at 80% until you absolutely have to....and then burst to 100%   Demoralizes them into giving up and doesn't leave you exhausted if you need some extra speed.

6) remember that back yards have changed a little bit since 1990.   Running full speed in the dark......Those fucking fences hurt.


So I got away, and my friends have another shitter story.  My buddy will open his window tomorrow to smoke a cigarette and find a pile of shit in his way....

The next morning I told mom the ladder was missing and to call and report it stolen.  She arrived home from the police station all happy.  Seems they already had found the ladder.   That's good mom, damn criminals.  She recommended that we chain it to the fence from now on.   Good idea mom :-)  Never know what sort of weirdo's roam this town at night. 

Personal Record!!

   I made it through phase one of my physical therapy.  My hips and hamstrings are now stronger and more flexible.  The doctor was very pleased.   They video taped me running on the treadmill and the movement no longer is as drastic.   Next they'll start working on the atrophied muscles of my lower legs.   I've always been a pretty pigeon toed runner, not getting the full benefit of my outer calf muscles.   7 years of cycling and not having to deal with various lateral movements have made them even weaker, and the turning in is creating a lot of torque on my knees.

I'm strong enough now to do some crazy exercises that strengthen my feet and lower legs.  I can only now do 8 at a time perfectly.  She showed me a video of Galen Rupp doing 400 in a session non-stop.  OUCH!!!.   I suck!   Anyways, I do them religiously 2x a day 15 reps each time and see her again on Wednesday.  It's progress....but slow.

Speaking of progress.   Every time I talk to anyone about the potential (based on my historical knowledge) for Empires to decline and begin to talk about the things that happen when they do (things that have been happening in the last 15 years)....I almost always get the quick response that the Dow is a record highs.   Then I get scoff and pity.  When I bring up that our economy is based on perpetual growth....and shouldn't anything that continually grows always be at record highs????......their brains don't compute what I'm trying to say.   The news just continually tells us that things are at RECORD LEVELS....Life is good, continue to believe in the religion of progress.....

Guess what.....Today I broke my personal record!!!! I'm 37yrs 10 months and 6 days.   My age is at an all time high!!!!!  I could never die...because I keep hitting all time highs.

You see, everyone would scoff at that notion, because we take into account history.  We see clearly that everyone has a life expectancy.  It's part of our belief system.  Empires do too...and they all go through common stages.   No need to worry about those things though.....because Rapa Nui, Rome, Ottoman, Byzantine, Incas, Aztecs, French, England, Soviet Union.....we're different from all of them.  I too...am different from other humans....and I keep hitting these RECORD HIGHS!!!  So I believe it's safe to say, that the US will continue forever to be a global leader, and I will live forever to enjoy it.  No need, then, to plan for retirement, health care, to have environmental concerns....or pretty much worry about anything else.  It's different this time.  In this case history has nothing to say.